Ratnesh & Aditi

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Labels: teacher training parenting

A nine year old child:

I don’t know why mummy was so angry with me. Mummy told me not to sit with driver uncle – but he is very nice and in any case whats the harm? Today mummy was again angry when I was playing with him inside the car while waiting for mummy to come.

I also do not understand why Mummy does not allow me to go to my friend’s house for night stay.

Papa does not like me and Karan to sleep together - why he tells mummy that we should sleep on two separate beds?

A Mother of two growing kids:

How much I got embarrassed today when Rohan, my 4yr old son, came into the living room in front of everybody without underwear and was rubbing “there”. I shouted and asked him to immediately remove his hands from “there’. The other day he was saying he Tarini is his girl friends and he wanted to kiss her on lips just the way they showed in the movie. How Tarini’s mother shrieked and saved the situation just in time.

I am horrified. I never knew the words like girl friend, lip kiss or sexy till I was….. I sometimes worry - what next?

This is a common story of “modern” parents. Sometimes I wonder - are we really modern just for the name, are we really growing or are we still archaic as a society. In any case what is to be modern? Our parents thought we were too young to know about “few” things as a child. We still think the same. Our parents hid things from us. We also try! Though the world around us ensures that very little is actually hidden from them. Can we just busy our heads in the sand and assume nothing “wrong” is going to happen.

What if we break our own barrier and look at “few” things in better perspective. What if we move ahead and replace the word “few” with sex education. What if we first make ourselves more comfortable, educated and open about it.

We worry about child’s academics, exposure to sports, music, dance etc. We take them to umpteen classes. Yet we forget (or pretend to be ignorant) that a vital part of child’s growing up process is for the child to develop an awareness and understanding of own body, own desires and own feelings.

Result is that our teenagers are confused and many a times misinformed (their sources like peers, media, etc hardly being reliable or comprehensive or even rational). Hence, they are uncomfortable talking to their own parents about their feelings, emotions, and desires they go though at different ages of their development.

Before we talk about sexual education let us go back and check our own beliefs. Do we really think that some parts of the body are “not to talk about” or they in other terms are “embarrassing” or even “dirty”? If yes then how do we expect to make ourselves comfortable to talk about “sex education” or to give vital information to our kids. When a child is touching his/her genitals and parent responds by “chee! Dirty!” what do you think the child should assume is dirty – the act or genital itself, or he/she?

Child grows up little and starts exploring the world around and asks all kinds of questions and we give most eagerly answers to the best of our knowledge. But when a child ask question related to sex or relationships most us really do not know how to answer? We think children need clear and honest answers to their questions. All we need to is to prepare ourselves to prepare them!

Many believe that telling a child about sex would makes them sexually too mature too early. On the contrary, research indicates that children who have a clear understanding of sexual issues are more likely to behave responsibly. If we talk to our child with openness, honesty and trust - it paves the way for open communication not just about sexual issues but about any aspect of their life. The learning therefore is to start early, start now!

Do leave your comments below
By Aditi & Ratnesh
Please email if you want us to conduct a workshop called PREPARING MY CHILD SEXUALLY for (and in) your organisation or school.

Forget children, have we learned how to express our feelings?
So how do we express our feelings, specially the negative ones, the anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, sadness, et al:
We shout, hit or hurt
or we cry
or we just shut up and clamp up and just suffer (and let the negative-ness run into our hormones causing all kinds of ailments)

Check these statements told to the child:
I've had enough, I am not going to talk to you.
I've had enough, you will get a slap now.
I've had enough - and (under our breath) wish I could just run away or kill myself.

To me this is not an expression of feelings. Rather it is letting the feelings take control of our behaviour.
Which means If I don't learn how to express my feelings, then

1. My own response is hardly appropriate or effective.
2. The child is also learning the same - that - let your feelings drive your behaviour - that its okay to be aggressive when I am feeling aggressive; that its okay to be passive even when hurt remains; and so on.
3. The child is NOT learning any emotional competence - neither how to become aware of feelings nor how to express them nor how to manage them.

The premise here is that when we are aware of our feelings and are able to express them, then the resulting behaviour is also appropriate as well as our emotions are better managed. Perhaps as a direct benefit I would be able to build better social skills also.

If we were to not only teach children maths and history, but also emotional skills. Unfortunately these can't be drilled or taught in a classroom; can't be put in a text book.

Fortunately these can be developed.
Fortunately these can be modeled.
Fortunately these can be facilitated.
Fortunately these can be the most important learning for a happy life.

Aditi & Ratnesh

My child came to me and said "I did not win the race today. I am not good in sports".
I said, "My dear child, you need to practice every day to win the race. The child who won the race practices everyday."

Next morning when my child got up she said
"I do not want to win race. I am going to support Meera to win the race next time also."
I retorted, "WHAT! What about you? What about your future?........"

Before I got up next day morning an angel came to me and whispered something in my ears.

I smiled and got up. I straight went to my child and said "Who won the race yesterday in the school? How can you support that child to win the race next time also?"

My child was not amused. She asked, "Did the angel come and whisper to you also?

When I told this to my husband he had many question in his mind:
"BUT…Why…My child….Race…..Win….. "

When I told this to my friend she too had the same worry in her eyes:
"BUT…Why…Your child….Race…..Win….."

When I told this to myself again – I saw a different world in front of me:
A world which "support the competence." A world where ALL are focused and goal oriented. A world where all are supporting each other to become best - yet all are successful. A world where all are genie and all are nurturing each other.

"Can you guess what the Angel whispered in my ears"

Aditi
(Leave your answer as a comment to this story - click on "comments" below)

Hi
Listen to my audio article on developing socially competent children

you can just click on the link and your browser will play it streaming
or you can right click and download the same on your computer and then listen on computer on ipod or similar device.

Please leave our comments - thats more important

social%20intelligence%281%29.mp3

Ratnesh

Others can only stimulate you - you still need to do;

Others can only show you - but you still need to see;

Other can only explain to you - but you still need to think;

i am what is called king of imperfections 

i don't think one kind of parenting produces "better persons".
so approaches are neither good nor bad. For different people different approaches are less or more effective.
Hence, my first question to parents is WHAT IS YOUR OBJECTIVE AS A PARENT?
Once, i as a parent - i know what are my objectives - both for me and the child - then i can figure out which is the best way. My observation is that most parents today are confused what is their objective as a parent!!!
What is yours?

. One person can do many things, roles
. Add energy
. Use props
. Team up
. Listen
. Do loudly
. Do fast
. Do slow
. Act properly
. Act not properly
. Act
. Do not act
. Express
. Use your body
. Use space
. Be realistic
. Be unrealistic
. Use gibberish
. Use silence
. Relate to each other
. Connect everything to something
. Interact with team mates, audience, yourself
. Use music
. Listen to music
. Sing music
. Play music
. Move to music
. Be creative
. Change speeds
. Use sounds
. Do things differently
. Be funny
. Do one-by-one
. Be clear
. Always show your front to people
. Be free - open & bindass
. Put feeeeeelings into everything
. Use levels
. Animate
. Better yourself
. Characters are fun
. Dialogues add interest
. Emotions are the essence
. 1 - role - 2 scene - 3 - story
. the DUS of success Do - Use - Say - something
. Be aware of what you are - Doing - feeling - thinking
. Be aware of what others are - Doing - feeling - thinking
. Above all enjoy yourself
. Trust yourself and others.
. Be generous especially in giving praise.

compiled by genie-dozen - eleven children who took part in theate rmagic
program at geniekids and me.

Ratnesh
------------------------------------
There is genie inside every child
come lets discover the magic
-----------------------------------
Website: www.geniekids.com

Somebody asked me the other day:
what is leadership?

I said - "Leadership is how we LEAD our lives and ourselves - EVERYDAY"

ratnesh
www.geniekids.com

To me personally the most inspiring sight is when a parent instead of just pushing the child into
learning something, the parent joins the child and starts learning herself or himself. Nothing is
more inspiring. I have come across two such amazingly inspiring families in the last few weeks and
though of sharing.

First Umesh & Shipra - very sweet and close friends of ours. Last three saturdays i have been going
to their house in the morning and then coming to geniekids from their house. As soon i entered
their house, on each of these three satyurdays - both of them were learning - one to play bongo and
other to play keyboard - nobody was pushing their five year old to learn - they were just
themselves enjoying ( & struggling with :-)) the learning process. On all these three saturdays's
having seen such an inspiring sight early in the morning i went to genie kids feeling few feets
above the ground.

Second:
The inspiration reaches its hights, when not only the parent-child learn together - but actually
share the stage, perform together!! Anjana (current TTT batch) & Shruthi did that at Bharatiya
Vidya Bhavan on saturday and this will stay in my mind for many many years. read her email below -
which completes the whole picture for you.

So the next time you want a life time of inspiration and fun, don't just put your child into the
class, join in too!

love
ratnesh


----- Original Message -----
From: Anjana Gupta
To: "ratnesh"
Sent: Mon, 12 Feb 2007 06:48:05 +0530
Subject: My Dance Journey....To Reflection...To Realize SELF BELIEF.

Hello Ratnesh

To Share : Learning Kathak was the turning point in my life (what I was to
what I am)
To let you know : How your articles helped me reflect on SELF BELIEF I have.

This sharing maybe too long, but will keep it as short as possible.

Before joining Kathak I did not know who am I....where am I heading....

My daughter Shruthi, six and a half years old joined Kathak at BVB. As I
used to wait outside for her to finish her class, one fine day I asked
myself why waste time.... and with my husbands (Sunil) consent went ahead to
join (three months later after Shruthi had joined), without much realizing
what I am up to and what I want to do????

Now after joining too, lots of questions used to rip me apart. Am I ok in a
class where only youngsters, youth with energy and vigour, pretty young
girls, am I fat etc.. Where do I stand?? Somehow some power inside me pushed
me further.

Every year, as a part of the course, students are supposed to take up a
theory and a practical exam, which was still fine by me, but the real danger
came upon when I needed to perform, again as a part of learning.

I requested didi and opted out of performing, (also because I was not able
to convince my in laws about their ghar ki bahu learning a devotional dance)
to which she agreed too, though not whole hearted. I was asked to help
backstage which again was so much learning about the lights, the acoustics,
their costumes, make up and so many other things.

But in the second year,, Shruthi turned upon me to ask mama why are you not
performing on stage? I did not want to admit my fear and inability to her.
So with great difficulty did go ahead and I felt I only made a fool of
myself by not participating the first year. My own fears used to grip me,
but found a way out by doing a lot of self talk.

And NO LOOKING BACK after that. Shruthi and me, thoroughly started enjoying
practice sessions together( a sense of achievement developed as we practiced
each tukda, footwork etc) competing with each other and so on. Meantime it
dawned, that while I used to help Shruthi, it was a great learning to me in
many ways and somewhere had desired that I should work towards teaching
children....as it was tremendous learning for me.

Kathak also brought in lot of values to me. The preparation for theory exam
each year was very exciting... and I got drawn into it and wanted to know
more and more about history of Kathak. It was not from the examination view
point, confined to some syllabus, I went ahead to know more and more..( and
in spite of this I feel I know nothing).and finally to top my exams for two
years...(Was this the self belief I had that pushed me???) ..and this
convinced me about me being a capable person.

And in this process I also realized that from children's viewpoint it helped
Shruthi to instill commitment, discipline, devotion, responsibility,
concentration, memory power, body movements and so many other good things. I
convinced my son Karan too to join Tabla and their journey still goes on....


Again, after I finished my course this year, didi offered me to teach
temporarily the beginners at their (BVB) Gandhinagar branch, to which I
initially refused, as my inner self again in damadol, how will I manage a
class, how will I teach etc etc. What pushed me here--my self
belief??--(plus definitely Sunils push to establish an identity for myself
other than being a housewife, mother, daughter in law etc.). After accepting
the offer, I did teach there, and it was a great advantage to my personal
self; that in fact it was very huge learning for me and I thoroughly
enjoyed.

To conclude, I came across your articles on CONFIDENCE and realized that yes
it is, the Self belief in me that has brought me here today and my journey
does not end....I feel there is a lot of growth happening inside me and..and
developing the ability to express myself better...

I also want to mention Geniekids TTT sessions have been really good for
me,at the right time, in the sense, the beliefs session,(many times I find
it difficult to break beliefs) the emotional make up, the positive
intentions class, the habits of mind, Khalil Gibrans poem, has opened up new
vistas for self exploration and I feel that yes there is something inside
me...that is bringing out the beauty inside me and forcing me to become
aware, to rethink a lot of things and to transform...Thanks to the Transform
the trainer (TTT) program.

Transforming and a wealthier
Anjana Gupta

To facilitate, is to help something (usually a process) move along. The word derives from "facile" which is French for "easy". To facilitate, then, is literally to make something easier. Through facilitation, the instructor provides subtle "boosts" to help participants through a series of experiences which combine to create a desired effect.

Facilitate does not mean "solving a problem" or "doing it for someone". It means doing something that makes a process run a little better. When a situation is too difficult, a facilitator is there to help. When a student or a group are having desirable experiences, the facilitator can be less obtrusive. In general, the goals of facilitation often include participants analyzing and better understanding their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Four quadrants of facilitation: 2 x 2 (Intentional-Unintentional x Overt-Covert)
Facilitation is everything that an instructor does, thus it includes intentional, unintentional, subtle and obvious behaviors. Four types of facilitative behaviors can be identified, as follows:

Intentional - Overt
These are things an instructor does intentionally and these are noticed by students.
Examples
1. A facilitator shows students how to make a fire.
2.. A facilitator uses Socratic questioning, such as when asking a question of a group during a debrief.
3. An instructor counsels or gives verbal feedback to a participant.

Intentional - Covert
These are things an instructor does intentionally but they are not noticed by students.

Example
1. As a group are sitting down to have a discussion, the facilitator intentionally places him her self next to a student who he/she wants to begin the discussion. The instructor then casually indicates to go around in the direction of the person next to whom he/she has sat.

Unintentional - Overt
These are things an instructor does without intending and they are noticed by the students.
Examples
1. An instructor is naturally warm-hearted (without realizing) and this quickly makes students feel accepted and excited about the program.
2. An instructor unintentionally uses gendered language which upsets several participants.

Unintentional - Covert
These are things an instructor does without intending and they go unnoticed by the students. But it does affect individual's experiences and has subtle socio-psychological impacts.
Examples
1. As a group are sitting down to have a discussion, the facilitator unintentionally sits either too far apart from the group (e.g., is ego-centric) or unintentionally too far into the group circle (e.g., is anxious, shy). The group don't consciously notice but it effects the way participants respond to the instructor.
2. An instructor uses gendered language and this goes unnoticed by the group but it contributes to underlying gender issues and tensions within a group.

Given this framework - here is what i will do:

For all the intentional inputs i will
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare, Prepare
* First prepare how will i do the activities (in detail)
** Two prepare the kind of process questions i will ask (write down the questions)
*** Three Prepare my thoughts about each child - what does this child need - how to give - through overt or covert means? etc
**** Four prepare myself to observe (build observation-breaks into my activities - ensure that my activities are so desigend that they give me time and mental spoace to actually observe the childrena dn the process iun general - and this is important specially i need to know how my facilitation is doing - both intentional and unintentional


For all the unintentional inputs i will
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare, Prepare
* First Prepare to be conscious of the subtle feedback children give (one way is to ask each child and then take it with open mind)
** Prepare my state of mind - becasue that will colour a lot of my unintentional behaviour and inputs - specifically ensure that my state of mind is not effective by outside calssroom events like issues/ events at home, or geniekids or any other issues with self
*** Prepare my mind to be conscious of my beleifs and perceptions - specailly about the subject/ topic/ activity and about each children or children in general. Again a lot of my unintentional beahviour is determined by my beleifs and being conscious of these beleifs helps in changing the ones that amy be ineffective
**** Finally and very beautifully, prepare my children to GIVE ME FEEDBACK - to tell me when they ae not feeling alright about something. One simple way is to keep asking - "How are you feeling" (this often puts thing which were covert into overt - once child is aware of a feeling - child can trace to what is causing this feeling and then if child can articulate that - the facilitator can take that feedback.


aditi - ratnesh

The best way to predict the future is to create it!-Jason Kaufmann

Million of us rise everyday, grab the paper and go straight for what the stars have in store for us - today. Wouldn’t you love to see everyday, the most successful forecast for you? One that not only has the maximum chance of coming out true, but which is also the most beneficial to you.

I will tell you who can write that kind of forecast - YOU.
Suppose you were to get up every day and write down what you want from today, what you should get out of today. It is amazingly simple - if you could write down what you want to get today - then chances are that you will.

Don’t look out for forecasts like - 'will meet a new friend today'. Write 'will make a friend today', and go ahead and make one.
Don’t look out for forecasts like - 'will get a raise today'. Write 'will ask for a raise today or do work such that they have to give me raise', and go ahead and get more.
Don’t look out for forecasts like - 'romance is in the air'. Write 'will give flowers to someone I love', and go ahead and win one.
Don’t just get warned by forecasts like - 'chances of accident or ill health. Write 'will drive carefully or do exercise or eat judiciously to maintain good health, and chances are that you will stay that way to enjoy today.

Would you buy something without knowing its use? Then why would we go and spend a day without knowing of what use it would be at the end? Write your forecast everyday, every week, and month - and get out of them what you really want to.

Don't let the stars tell you what is in store for you.
Go tell the stars what to give you out of today.

your comments

aditi-ratnesh

It takes two to tango!
Ha! Ha! whatever that means!
ratnesh